Self Service for Dummies

I don't remember when gas stations became almost entirely self-service in this country. (I say "almost" because I assume there must be some Mayberry, USA, where Gomer still pumps your fuel and stutters "golly.") I suppose it marked the beginning of the end of our service-oriented society/culture/ economy, where you only get personalized service like that in places where you have to leave a tip. On our trip to Costa Rica in March, I was a little surprised that gas stations still employed people at the pumps -- but perhaps it's a way to keep folks employed in a country light on industry and heavy in agriculture and tourism.

One place were I think the self-service concept has gone too far is the grocery store. At first, the idea seemed like a good one. After all, any idiot can scan a few barcodes and bag his own groceries, right?

Yeah, not really.

Have you watched these people in front of you struggle with how to scan a loaf of bread or which slot to stick their greenbacks in? It's like watching an IQ test for zombies. But I don't blame it all on human error. The scanners, at least until recently, seemed dumbed down like the GPS satellite network used to be before it became a commercial enterprise and not reserved for military-industrial operations. Looking up an item alphabetically, while superficially simple, has many nuances. Are the green beans listed under "b" for beans or "g" for green beans. Using your own bags? Boy, does that piss off the machine: "Unknown item in bagging area!"

I estimate it takes me two to three times longer to check myself out versus a clerk, who, for all his faults, has an encyclopedic memory for four-digit codes related to beets, bananas and berries.

On the other hand, if I could save 20 percent of my bill by refilling my own mug of beer and picking up my own plate of food, I'd be happy to hit the self-service line -- bar codes, bagging area violations and all.